The messy truth about starting over (that no one tells you)

"It's always okay to start over. But to make it count, you have to do things differently."

I whispered these words to myself at 3 AM, staring at my reflection with watery eyes. Not because of a broken relationship or a failed career – but because I was facing my oldest, most familiar enemy: myself.

You see, I'm intimately acquainted with the cycle. The one where you start strong, gain momentum, feel the magic building and then... fade. Fall. Retreat. The one where excitement turns to anxiety, where promising beginnings become familiar endings.

The pattern plays out like a familiar dance we've performed countless times. It begins with passionate momentum, painting our world with vibrant possibilities. We climb steadily upward, believing anything is possible. Just as success begins to peek around the corner, anxiety creeps in with its familiar whisper: "but what if..." Then comes the slow fade, the quiet retreat, the familiar fall.

And then, the silence. The shame. The self-judgment that comes with knowing we've been here before.

Facing the Messy Truth

This isn't about the external circumstances we can easily point to – the failed relationships, toxic jobs, or unfortunate events that forced our hand. This is about something far more profound and frightening: the fear of success that looms larger than our fear of failure. It's about that comfort zone that feels simultaneously like a prison and a sanctuary. It's about the pattern of self-sabotage that's become our closest companion, and the momentum that fills us with both excitement and terror. It's about the potential we can taste but keep pushing away.

The shame we carry is heavy – a backpack filled with unfinished projects, broken promises to ourselves, squandered momentum, and faded opportunities. We carry the weight of potential that others see in us but that we keep hiding from. Perhaps the hardest burden is explaining to others why we're "starting over" again, seeing that knowing look in their eyes that silently says, "here we go again..."

A New Kind of Permission

From one cycle breaker to another, here's your permission slip: You have the right to start over, even if it's the hundredth time. You can trust yourself again, regardless of your track record. Your dreams deserve belief, even if you've abandoned them before. You're allowed to take up space, even after past retreats. You can build momentum again, even if you've let it slip before. Being inconsistent on your path to consistency is part of the journey. Falling down seven times and getting up eight isn't failure – it's persistence.

When I speak of doing things differently, I'm talking about a fundamental shift in approach. It means acknowledging our fear of success instead of just pushing through it. It's about building systems that support our growth, not just setting goals. We need to create accountability that feels like love rather than punishment, understand our patterns instead of just trying to break them, and accept that while progress isn't linear, commitment can be.

The Art of Recommitment

Starting over as an inside job requires a new kind of courage. It means forgiving ourselves for past inconsistencies and looking our patterns in the eye without flinching. It's about loving our ambitious hearts despite their scars and rebuilding trust with ourselves one small promise at a time. Each "failure" isn't an endpoint – it's practice for what comes next.

What I've learned about cycles and momentum has transformed my perspective. Every time we "fall off," we learn something crucial. Each restart builds new muscle memory. Those "failures" we berate ourselves for? They're actually valuable feedback. The pattern isn't our enemy – it's our greatest teacher. And consistency isn't about perfection – it's about returning, again and again.

This time is different because we're approaching it with new wisdom. We're not chasing perfection but building persistence. We're not starting over from scratch but from experience. We're not running from failure but learning from it. We're not seeking momentary momentum but creating sustainable growth. We're not trying to prove anything – we're simply committing to growth.

Ready to start over? Your Journey Begins Now

What pattern are you ready to understand? What cycle are you prepared to embrace and then gently break? What version of success have you been running from? Perhaps it's time to look at your patterns with curiosity instead of judgment, to build systems that support your growth, to create accountability that feels like love, to trust yourself to begin again, and to commit to the long game, messy middle and all.

Remember this: Starting over isn't about erasing your past attempts. It's about building upon them. Each time you begin again, you bring wisdom from every previous try. This time, we're not just starting over. We're starting stronger, starting wiser, starting with self-compassion as our foundation.

P.S. To the one who's started over so many times you've lost count – your persistence isn't a weakness, it's a superpower. This time, let's do it differently. Together. <3 

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